just a thought provoking email

Enjoy! THIS IS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can thinkabout is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my ownstory that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realizeyou're wrong.
Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're goingin the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction fromwhich you came, you have to first do something like check your watch orphone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that noone in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switchingdirections on the sidewalk.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I wasyounger. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. Thisrecently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never beending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work?You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix theproblem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fixthe problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We justfigured it out. Today's kids are soft.
There is a great need for sarcasm font.
Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger andsuddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take2 trips to bring my groceries in.
The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish atext.
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hearis "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod andsmile because you still didn't hear what they said?
Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'examples, Iwill undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I hadto spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G asin...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow eachother?
While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctivelyswerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I knowhow to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the persondied.
I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the showerfirst and THEN turn on the water.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, andyou can wear them forever.
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories
If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring wouldprobably just be completely invisible.
Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go aroundand say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous?Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work whenyou've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive forthe rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want tohave to restart my collection.
There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going todie after leaning your chair back a little too far.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if Iwant to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I didnot make any changes to.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV.There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if Ikeep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only amatter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still befriends after this?'
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?Damnit!),but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeinganyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then Ilike about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed forpedophiles...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but nomatter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not knowwhat time it is.
It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answerwhen they call.
I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I findout that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact thatI was not aware of my condition in college.
Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to withit.
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys ina pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'dbet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, inabout 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happenif you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the linktakes me to a video instead of text.
I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drivebehind obeys the speed limit.
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturdaynight more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.